I'm not going to lie to you, I've been toying with the idea of writing a post like this for a while but I've never had the confidence. It is thanks to you and the kind, genuine comments I received on my Big Fat Truth post that I've been able to do this. Sandra of The Black Pearl Blog in conjunction with moneysupermarket.com and their Get Fit Feel Epic competition swayed me when I saw the great giveaway for blogging about this. There's nothing like an incentive when it comes to fighting insecurities.
As I've mentioned before I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. Being a UK 18-20 can be difficult but it's not my size that bothers me as much as how awful I feel. Most of this can be attributed to the fact that I have a condition called Fibromyalgia which affects the muscles causing chronic pain and fatigue among other things but I can't shy away from the fact that my weight contributes a huge amount. Pain while dragging yourself around is not helped by being six stone overweight. Due to the fact that gyms are a bad idea for me, I have decided to get fit at home for free doing the amount of exercise I can feasibly do every day. I'd love it if I lost a few inches, of course but the thing I really want to gain from this is to feel healthier.
I've already started and I am slowly losing 1-2 pounds a week. I eat 1500 calories a day including lots of fresh vegetables, less carbohydrates (I haven't cut them all out), less sugar and a serving of fruit. Since I physically can't exercise as much as I would love to I have to keep my calorie intake under control or else it could spiral very quickly from weight stabilisation to gaining weight. I still eat yogurt, eggs, meat etc but I use the whites of eggs instead of the whole thing in an omelette and cut the fat off meat before grilling it in my trusty George Foreman. I'm not saying I haven't wavered and eaten more than 1500 calories or haven't dipped my sticky fingers back into the chocolate drawer for a second helping of snack sized Malteasers but when I do I fully acknowledge that I've slipped and that it's okay. It's just a day and if I don't get results from my new habits I have nobody to blame but myself.
For exercise I use tins of beans as weights and exercise my arms in front of the TV. I walk at least 45 minutes a day to and from school and even if I walk slowly, I am still moving my body and I still count that as exercise. If I am well enough to walk the dog in the evenings I count that as exercise and I log it all in MyFitnessPal. I don't think of the estimated calories I burn as excess calories to eat whatever I want and because I eat big portions of healthy food I find that I rarely get hungry now or go over my calorie limit by more than 100.
My self-confidence is still low. I still wear Spanx, I still cry, I still get hurt when people comment saying I'm fat, ugly and beastly. I'm still not confident enough to do many outfit posts and I'm still learning but this attitude has got me this far. This honesty is what people tell me they enjoy most and if I told you all I'd lost a stone, eat well the entire time, felt completely fabulous about myself since doing X Y and Z I wouldn't be that person anymore. I have to say the first few weeks feel crap. I crave bread, I feel low, I hurt more than usual, I cry about how this is never going to work and how I will always be worthless in everyone's eyes.
They are low points. This blog post was difficult to write and those photos are difficult to share but I hope to feel epic. Maybe not now, maybe not in a month but when I reach my goal of feeling even slightly elated and on the path to epic? I'll let you know.