I've been struggling with something for a year or so and I thought it was time to blog about it and possibly gain some new opinion on the matter. The problem is my name, or rather my surname. Both of my daughters have boyfriend's surname and I am the black sheep of our little family. It's usually not a problem as I rarely feel any less of a girlfriend or a mother because of it but it becomes a very real topic when you have formal documents, school teachers, doctor's notes etc all in different names. Layla notices and often says "I'd love you to have the same last name as me, Mummy because I want us all to be together". This is how I'm feeling too.
I always thought I'd keep my maiden name if I ever got married and with my first, very short, marriage that's what I did. I took it as a sign that I could still keep my independence and that this was the name I have answered to, written and corresponded with for over twenty years; I couldn't, no wouldn't give that up for a man. Now I think that it was probably a sign the relationship wasn't quite right as four years on I am thinking of exchanging my surname for his yet I'm not concerned with losing my identity so much.
We will get married but we don't know when. We're technically engaged as I have a 'temporary' ring on my finger but there will come a time when he proposes again like he wants to, we'll go through the motions of the engagement party and planning a shindig and we'll be signing into matrimony. That time is not anywhere in the foreseeable future not for lack of love or willing but for lack of expendable income. I'd happily take his name during marriage where everything is a relative swift transition but I honestly don't know if I can hold out for another few years. I'd like to be a 'W' rather than a 'Mrs W', if you get me?
So I have an idea. I could change my surname legally by deed poll, have it amended on all legal documents aside from my birth certificate and have done with it. I could become 'Ms W' before the day I become 'Mrs W'. It may seem odd when we're marrying each other and our surnames are the same (or we could switch it out for my maiden name for ceremonial purposes) but I wouldn't have to be apart in name from my children. For the sake of around £30 we could all bear the same surname.
I'm just writing thoughts as I flit back and forth from waiting to doing it. I don't know exactly what's holding me back but it's probably the mass paperwork from deed poll name changes (the same as with marital name changes really). Am I being ridiculous or is this a logical thought process? I honestly can't differentiate anymore.