So I'm going to write about something that's bothering me and actually making me quite upset lately. The last of the school run's are this week; five days of 9am stars and 3:10pm finishes. Two times I'm in the habit of counting up to to see what I can fit in in that time. Now I really hate the school run for that reason plus the cliquey mothers that I'm friendly with but not friends with. You'd think I'd be jumping at the chance to not do them but I'm not. I'm in a pit of despair that after this week I won't get to see my little girl's face as she skips out of the door into my arms. I love my after school cwtches. The thought of not having them seriously bothers me.
Worse still, Amelia starts the nursery that's attached to the school in January 2014. Layla went there and adored it but the private nursery will take her and pick her up as they will do with Layla meaning I'll miss that too. I can't help but to feel that I'm missing out on so much. In the grand scheme of things this isn't important or imperative. They won't mind, they'll love their new experiences and learn so much but I can't help but to think what about me? These are the simple pleasures and often displeasure's of being a mother.
Some of you will say to take off work earlier or not to work at all due to this but I will work. I'm going to be a role model for m girls and I will provide for them the way I am supposed to, illness or no illness, children or no children. Sadly it seems that working parents miss out on just as much as parents who only see their children on weekends - it's a Catch 22 and it's not a nice place to be.
So I'm working on it. I'll no doubt be crying on Friday on my last school run. I'll no doubt have a cry before work the week after when I drop them both to the private nursery before school. I'll no doubt phone on my lunch break to check they're okay and make sure that boyfriend checks in too and texts me the outcome. This is the last thing I'd expect to feel since I'm so excited about starting work but it's hit me in waves and continues to do so. I'll be watching TV or reading and start thinking about it then start talking to boyfriend and suddenly I'm in floods of tears.