The Last Of 3:10

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

So I'm going to write about something that's bothering me and actually making me quite upset lately. The last of the school run's are this week; five days of 9am stars and 3:10pm finishes. Two times I'm in the habit of counting up to to see what I can fit in in that time. Now I really hate the school run for that reason plus the cliquey mothers that I'm friendly with but not friends with. You'd think I'd be jumping at the chance to not do them but I'm not. I'm in a pit of despair that after this week I won't get to see my little girl's face as she skips out of the door into my arms. I love my after school cwtches. The thought of not having them seriously bothers me.

Worse still, Amelia starts the nursery that's attached to the school in January 2014. Layla went there and adored it but the private nursery will take her and pick her up as they will do with Layla meaning I'll miss that too. I can't help but to feel that I'm missing out on so much. In the grand scheme of things this isn't important or imperative. They won't mind, they'll love their new experiences and learn so much but I can't help but to think what about me? These are the simple pleasures and often displeasure's of being a mother.

Some of you will say to take off work earlier or not to work at all due to this but I will work. I'm going to be a role model for m girls and I will provide for them the way I am supposed to, illness or no illness, children or no children. Sadly it seems that working parents miss out on just as much as parents who only see their children on weekends - it's a Catch 22 and it's not a nice place to be.

So I'm working on it. I'll no doubt be crying on Friday on my last school run. I'll no doubt have a cry before work the week after when I drop them both to the private nursery before school. I'll no doubt phone on my lunch break to check they're okay and make sure that boyfriend checks in too and texts me the outcome. This is the last thing I'd expect to feel since I'm so excited about starting work but it's hit me in waves and continues to do so. I'll be watching TV or reading and start thinking about it then start talking to boyfriend and suddenly I'm in floods of tears.

It's a hard and I'm not giving advice on how to handle this new road as I can't navigate myself so I'm asking you for advice. How do you let go? How do you stop feeling sorry for yourself? Leave your tips in the comments!

6 comments:

  1. Laura! I don't have any advice for you, but I do have a big hug for you, making it's way across the ocean as we speak. It will be tough adjusting to this new change, and because you're a mum, and because they're your babies you have every right to be upset about missing out on the little things you'll miss from starting work. But the good thing about being a mum, is that it's forever. Your babies will be your babies forever, you will still have plenty of time with them, cuddles with them and you can rest assured that you are an AMAZING role model for them and you provide for them. xxx

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  2. Clicky mums are the worst, I have to deal with them at school and it's just like being back at school myself. Awww Laura don't be sad :( I know what you mean though about the whole hugging them and the smile they have when they see you picking them up. They'll have an even bigger one after nursery for you instead now. It will go by in time and just that what you're doing is going to bring so much more to your little family in the grand scheme of things. Big hugs! x

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  3. Massive hugs to you. I felt the same when I started work as I work evenings so never get to pick Max up from nursery. It's so bad that when I get home I interrogate Scott about everything that he did in the day so I know that he had fun. At least I'm working and I know that what I'm doing in the long run is the best.

    xx

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  4. Oh Laura, you brave lady. This was precisely why I started my own business after having Seb, to avoid going back to a full time job, I couldn't afford not to work but wasn't strong enough to face the alternative. You're doing the right thing, and are, as you say, a role model for your girls. It will get easier, I know those are empty words at the moment but like anything in life you, and the girls, will adapt and get used to your new "normal" - good luck with everything, and don't be scared to lean on other people when it gets tough xx

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  5. I feel you lady! This week is my first week back at work where i have to drop my little girl off 4 days a week 8.30 - 4.30. having had her with me for the whole of her life, never spending more than a few hours apart, this week has been horrendous for me. She's been fine of course, but for me there have been lots of tears and heart-ache. Hopefully it will get easier for both of us.
    Anna x

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  6. Oh bless you! I can totally understand this, I suppose the best way to go about it would be to try not to think a out it, concentrate your attention on the good Mummy bits that you're still there for, no one can take away bedtime kisses and happy weekends!

    Kate x
    Just Pirouette and Carry On...

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