I live in my head. Some people are doers and some are thinkers and I am very much the latter. I will think and think and think some more, over-analysing situations until there is a clear logical path and from there, I try to do. Of course, this doesn't always work out the way I'd hoped. When you live in your head you miss most of the opportunities that the doers take and make the best of. For me, I will have the good, the bad and the neutral side of everything planned out and I've even been labelled as inherently negative. I don't feel like I am a negative person but I do understand that when you dwell on the downsides of a situation the pessimism shines through and rubs off on everyone in the room. I am the girl with the plan B, the plan C and the plan D. I am early for everything to allow myself plenty of time for quick changes which often leaves me alone in train stations giving me only more time to live in my own head. I have back up plans to the back up plans and for something as simple as going for coffee I need a clear plan and get a little annoyed if something goes awry. II suppose you could call me reliable and detail-oriented but there's really nothing more to encompass this than the word burden.
Essentially, I am a control freak and no matter how much I would love to be one of those people who gambles in life, who takes that chance, who says yes to that thing and who can pack their life into a rucksack and set off for a week somewhere unknown, it isn't who I am. My boyfriend is very much like this and will take the chance. In one sense this is a good thing as it means we have a great balance to our relationship but in another it's a terrible thing as I am pretty much the kill-joy. I will suck the positivity from the air by portraying the situation's potential downfalls and while I call that strategy others see it as negativity.
So for the next few weeks I am making a promise to myself to say 'Yes'. I know I am never truly going to change who I am but I can start making small steps in the right direction to at least making people feel a little more positive and making myself feel happier. I want to worry less and do more, take the chances that I've always wanted to take (within reason - they can't hurt people or be unattainable financially or emotionally) and realise that I can still have control over my life while making the most of the positivity because I've come to realise there is a lot of happiness in my life and in the world (the such small part of it that I know) and I want to be with the world rather than against it.